Tag: humor

Redheads Beware – Dutch Elm Disease is In the Air!

Last week, a BBC Radio broadcast featured an interview with an elderly academic, Dr. Clothier, who talked about the government’s efforts to stop the spread of Dutch Elm Disease, which had been infecting many of England’s trees. Dr. Clothier described some startling discoveries about the tree disease. For instance, he referred to the research of Dr. Emily Lang of the London School of Pathological and Environmental Medicine who had found that exposure to Dutch Elm Disease immunized people to the common cold.

Unfortunately, there was a side effect. Exposure to the disease also caused red hair to turn blonde. It is thought that the similarity between the blood count of redheads and the soil conditions is what caused the change. Therefore, redheads are advised to stay away from forests for the foreseeable future, until there are no longer any Elm trees in existence.

Red-blonde-Ombre-Hairstyle

APRIL FOOLS!!!

Dr. Clothier was actually the comedian Spike Milligan. This was originally pranked in 1950.

© The Naturarian

Why Mosquitoes Like You

1 Down – 632,764,231,897,752 to go!

Goodness! It is March 25th, 2019 and I just killed a mosquito that was going to snack on me. This is what was left of the bitch after I got through with her. Makes you want to think twice about messing with me 😉

She is a pretty powerful beast and I’m not tooting my own horn here, however she is considered one of the most deadly animals in the world! (Most likely just under human). She can transmit infections such as malaria, yellow feverwest Nile virus, Chikungunya, dengue fever, filariasis, Zika virus and other arboviruses.

All it takes is a few days over 50F degree temps to wake her up from her hibernation. Yes, these bitches hibernate.

Another amazing fun fact – She can smell her dinner from a distance of up to 100 yards via carbon dioxide. So in lieu of listing off the many, many things folks use to repel these little sweethearts, I’m going to let you know how to avoid what’s attracting them in the first place!

Things that tend to attract these little darlings include:

  • People with high concentrations of steroids or cholesterol on their skin attract mosquitoes. That doesn’t mean that these dive-bombers prey on people with higher, internal levels of cholesterol, but those people who have more of the byproducts of processing cholesterol, which remain on the skin’s surface.
  • People who produce a higher amount of certain acids, such as uric acid (gout), can trigger a skeeters olfactory glands, luring them in.
  • Uncle Bob and his application of a half a bottle of Old Spice.
  • People wearing darker clothing.
  • People with type O Blood tend to get snacked on more, followed by B, with A coming in last.
  • People moving around and sweating, compared to the folks lounging on chaises.
  • The Drunks will get attacked more over the Sobers as alcohol raises temperatures and causes more flailing of the arms 😉
  • That being said about the sweating above, more specifically, these whores like old sweat. Bacteria on your skin will change odor after it has been snacking on chemicals in your sweat. So, if you had a rough day of activities, then slow down for a seat at the campfire that evening without showering, you’re essentially screaming ‘Bite Me!’.
  • Another fav smell of the incarnates of evil are smelly feet! It’s the double-latte-three-shot-espresso version of old sweat. You may not attract any human females with that stench, but the mozzie females will go nuts. Don’t eat Limburger cheese either. Did you know it was the same bacteria that makes your feet smell. Eauuuu!
  • Stop eating bananas, the added potassium makes you more attractive to bite. Eat more garlic and vitamin B1 instead.

I wish you the best in the upcoming season of itch.

© The Naturarian

This is Why MY Flowers Grow So Well

Aren’t these two just adorable?!? I love them! My neighbor gave them to me after I helped her set-up her raised garden bed veggie garden. I placed them right near our driveway for all to see. If you also find them a hoot, they are sold by many, just search for ‘pooping gnomes’ 🙂

Behind them: Penstemon pinifolius ‘Mersea Yellow’ (Beard-tongue) which bloom in June. A yellow penstemon? I had to have them! Their dominant color ranges normally are white to pink to reds. I’ve not seen these in anyone’s garden I’ve visited. My wholesale nursery only sold them one year and discontinued them due to lack of interest and unreliability. I’ve had these for 6 years now and although they haven’t spread much (sometimes a good thing) they plug along where they are at. They are located in a 10″ raised bed of composted, good draining soil – Southern sunny exposure – No irrigation.

Poop makes flowers happy!

pooping gnome     pooping gnome

Share your gnome photos below!


© The Naturarian